Negative Connotations

We see them, hear them, speak them….

Every damn day.

Actually, the word connotation itself is really quite neutral.

connotation image

It’s when we attach the word “negative” to it that the definition becomes, well, negative.

Duh.  (Smooth Jen.  Real smooth.)

Soooooo…

The topic is negative connotations….

For example, whenever I see a U-Haul truck (like today when I was pumping gas), in particular the 10-foot moving truck model that fits the contents of a one bedroom home, it holds a “negative” connotation for me.  Seeing one reminds me of a time in my life that I was so absolutely positive I was doing the right thing  because I believed my heart and the words and actions of another party, and in reality, I was about to blindly walk off the ledge and fall in to an abyss that would change me forever in ways unthinkable.

In the past two years I have lived in places, with people, and each experience has grown me and made me stronger, yet, I can’t help but wonder why I’ve had to go through such extreme circumstances and situations to get to a place where I can finally begin to rebuild and move forward without all the negatives infringing on that forward movement.

After thinking long and hard about the negative, I realize, I’m pretty fucking tired of it all.  Tired of seeing things, like a U-Haul truck, and letting the thought carry me backwards, always pulling the scab off an old wound.  Tired of dealing with the toxic and negative behavior of others that can’t get their own shit together, so instead they take it out on everyone around them, including me.  Tired of wondering when it’s all going to stop feeling so difficult and just become smooth sailing with everything coming up roses.

And like a 10 foot U-Haul moving truck, it hit me…

It’s time for me to take the “implication” of those feelings and find the positive.

It took two U-Haul trucks (and a bunch of other shit) to bring me where I am today, both geographically and emotionally.  It hasn’t been a smooth journey (and there have been a few assholes along the way), but there have been a lot of positives which have contributed to my growth and a few people that have come in to my life that will be with me forever and I’m so incredibly grateful for them.  I truly can’t say that my path would have crossed with theirs, thus them becoming an integral part of my life without those damn U-Hauls!

These days, I’m traveling light, since all my shit is gone anyway.  What I have left, fits very nicely in my car.

I’m at ground zero.

Starting over.

And that’s ok.

That’s a positive.  Since there is nothing left to lose.

Literally.

And, if I’m lucky, I’ll need a U-Haul in a couple of years, that I can fill with new things that hold great and positive memories…

…and connotations.

Until next time…

Love, Jeni

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