My life has certainly seen it’s fair share of mess. More so in these last twenty months as I try to navigate my way through the healing process that I so wish would hurry up and get itself done already. Don’t get me wrong, I’m much better now then I was just a few short months ago.
The healing process is unique unto the individual. It’s like mourning. No one can tell you when it will get better. No one can set a time limit or declare what is reasonable when it comes to resolving feelings of pain and sadness.
And the kicker?
No one can go through it for you.
It’s a true solo gig.
So, what do you do?
You just keep trying…
At one point, not long ago, I was ready to quit. To end it all. I was making some serious plans.
And even though I was actually entertaining taking my own life, the warrior that lives in me, the warrior that has gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life, like the loss of my Mother, two difficult medical procedures and a boatload of medical problems to choke a pig, she just wasn’t going to quit on me.
And I’m so grateful she didn’t. I shudder to think of the irreversibleness of one decision. I’m sad that I let myself even go there.
During those darkest of days, I didn’t know where to start, or how to start, I just knew I had to keep trying.
I’m glad I did.
I’m in a different place now. Not quite complete. But getting there.
Dipping my toe in the water.
Reminding myself that the happiness I once knew, is possible again.
There are those who heal faster then others, and those who heal at an incredibly slow rate.
I’m healing at Jen pace. For some, that may be too slow. Or not to their liking. Or even understanding. That’s ok. I love them in their space and wish them well. It’s not their journey anyway.
I’m just going to keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a mess to go clean up.
Until next time.