A few weeks ago, during a text conversation with “he who shall remain nameless” this happened:
And so, the blog challenge was born.
Mind you, I’m quite comfortable talking about poop and apparently, I’m not alone. In fact, there are literally thousands of people who blog about poop daily. They even take pictures of their poop. Curious? Sure you are! You can check out some seriously shitty pictures here, http://posturpoop.tumblr.com, but be warned, it’s not for the faint of heart, and if you’re at work, you probably don’t want that shit showing up in your browser history! Save it for when you’re, well, in the crapper, taking care of business.
When I started brainstorming about how I was going to approach this blog and it’s content I admit that the first thing that came to mind was my recent EX, a real POS (that’s short for piece of shit; not point of sale), Mr. LLPOF (you’ll get to meet him in a future blog), but I shit-canned that idea because, quite frankly, I’m not ready to deal with that crap.
Then I started thinking about all the slang words out there that we use on a daily basis to describe our poo and the action of pooping. I won’t list them, because really, I don’t give a crapola and you’re big boys and girls so you can go on your own by clicking the link below and maybe you’ll even learn a few new terms that you didn’t know existed. Although, I do call bullshit on some of them because, well, quite frankly they’re asinine (except for maybe “team meeting” and “mexican heartburn” which makes me giggle just a little bit): http://www.heptune.com/poopword.html.
During my research of anything poop, I came across a website with a tool that proclaims to measure your crap. If you want to know how much you’ve actually shit so far in your lifetime, you can go to this gem of site because they have a “poop calculator” ready to tally your bowel movements, http://numbertwoguide.com. Genius! I’ll have to remember that next time I’m dropping the kids off at the pool.
Ironically, last week, as I was midway through creating this blog, I was bitch slapped with that nasty GI virus that’s currently running amok across our great nation right now. One minute I was fine and the next, I woke from a sound sleep, sphincter clenched, just praying I would make it to the bathroom before I blew out my pjs. I would go on to spend the next several days logging some quality time on the throne with my iPhone (hey, I made a rhyme) hoping and praying that one day soon my life would return to normal and I’d be blessed with a solid bowel movement. I know you feel me, because we have all been there. I would like to take a moment to acknowledge all my awesome peeps who kept me company while I was slowly dying in the bathroom. You didn’t know it, but you were my lifeline and that makes you the shiznit!
Poop. It’s really an endless topic of conversation, but honestly, I’m kind of pooped-out now, so, if you want to read some entertaining crappy stories check out this website for a good chuckle,http://storiesaboutpooping.tumblr.com.
Until next time….